Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I only lived at night.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
