I think my fart just growled at me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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