I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
