My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
