Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
