It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
