like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
