Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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