It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize