Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're like the curious george of whores
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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