Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
