Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
