I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
