Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
