my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
