The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
