omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
