oh god the rape fog is back!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize