Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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