fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Houston, we have a squirter
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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