he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
