Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
