I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
