Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
