Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
