Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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