Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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