In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
