Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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