if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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