walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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