I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
