I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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