My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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