What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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