you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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