a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize