i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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