addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
