Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
