I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
