She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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