Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
