life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
