i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
