i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize