so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
