non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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