How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then he peed in my hair
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
