Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
