I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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