im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize