The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
