Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
