OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
