Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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