I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
