Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
