Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
