Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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