Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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