playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
