This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
