yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
