Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and she was petting her beer can
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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