Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
